I had an inkling
I have discovered, that I am a horrible person: I had an inkling, a whispered in my ear suspicion about this, but recently it has been confirmed! I am not sure whether to celebrate this affirmation of information, or to puzzle at it as though I might want to look at myself more closely and see what kind of monster I am?
Bones of contention
Here is the thing, dear reader: I have been in a couple of super scrappy verbal altercations recently, with loved ones, people I considered close. In the wrangling, I learned that many bones of contention had been accumulating over a span of years, and in the squabbling, they were unearthed and used as weapons, bashed over my head.
My dastardly deeds were reproachable, when I heard them levelled and directed at my character, and they were cause for pause. I have had to assess: am I the person described? What work do I need to do to come clean and make good on the me that lives, breathes, relates, perhaps very badly, in the world? I mean, hey, I am just like the next person, flawed and fallible, right, just like the people I recently tangled with… the ones that think I am abhorrent…
Accumulated ills
It is really easy, in our emotional pain, to accumulate ills, establish a plan of retaliatory attack, in order to vilify the one that has hurt us, let us down, disappointed us, or behaved in ways that we do not appreciate or approve, because we wanted or expected something different from them. We can all do this, and I wonder, who hasn’t, in the heat of the moment and when pain throbs just beneath the surface and then bursts forth like a burgeoning boil, said and perhaps done things, that aim to wound or emotionally maim, another?
My quandary
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| What I am hearing is shocking |
Here is my question, my quandary for this day: if you or I have established in our heart, our spirit and mind, that someone is a horrible person, how, I ask you, can they possibly live under the burden of our felt contempt? Is there a road back, to sweet sentiment, to seeing the other as trustworthy, or even worthy, of our kindly gaze?
Perhaps
If you believe someone is horrible dear reader, a threat to your emotional wellbeing and safety, perhaps you are right. Perhaps they are beyond reproach, and beneath your esteem, unworthy of your company. Perhaps… or perhaps, they are just… like… you, base, blemished, in need of forgiveness and to be seen in a glorious light, not the one that emanates from them, but the one God shines on those he loves, bathing them in the Light of Christ.
“All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away” (Isaiah 64:6).
I follow the Isaiah verse with this:
“This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:5-9).
You see dear reader, contention is a two player event, it is the only way disassociation and condemnation can work effectively. Two people disagreeing, usually have valid points to make: and if both sides can’t be all right, then something has to give…
As a horrible person, I see my sin soaked soul. It is a wonder to me that Jesus died on my behalf… I grin in gratitude, because for some reason, he likes me, even when others would rather not. He feels the same way about you, dear reader… how wonderful for both of us!
“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him” (John 3:17).
