This gives me great clarity
I have experienced a most perfect foil dear reader. As I enter into the dating world with trepidation, I am comparing and contrasting, getting to know all kinds of different personalities when I socialize or network or playfully engage customers or salespeople in shops and restaurants. I am learning my likes and dislikes and recently, I explored the perfect foil, a person who was the exact opposite of my former partner. While both men have extraordinary qualities, the one I recently spent time talking with, delighted me in uniquely wonderful ways I hadn’t experienced before. This gives me great clarity, as I consider what appeals to me and what may or may not appeal about me, to a possible future partner.
Opposites purportedly attract
What clarity do I speak of, you ask? I am longing for similarity. While opposites purportedly attract, longevity doesn’t appear to be a benefit in mismatched coupling. I have a short list of must haves for us to brief, if you care to go into the fray with me? Let us be honest now, this is important business.
Must haves in relationship:
1. Religious belief affinity. As a Christian, this is my number one priority. I love Jesus more than anyone and anything… to a believer, this makes perfect sense, to a non-believer, I appear to be fanatical. Agreement in this area is a must. Not agreeing creates an unbridgeable chasm.
2. Attraction. This is a big deal and I am inclined to define what I mean here by attraction. There must be a draw, a pull, a uniquely wonderful magnetic attractor factor comprised of emotional, intellectual, physical and most importantly, spiritual elements. Conversation should be babbling brook pleasant, with the couple current flowing in the same direction. Physical attraction is essential, because intimacy is an integral part of closeness-we are designed to be a fit: mind, body and spirit, with our mate match.
3. Family and friends. We all belong to people already. We have home lives and work lives and friends and family that we spend time with and care about. When considering a match, the question that must be asked is: will they fit into my life circles? Will I, fit into theirs? Can you picture the possible partner with all of the people who are already your favourites? This is essential for me: I am not willing to give up my family or friends for a man… rather, I want to know that he can be seamlessly sown into my life circles and I in his.
4. Introversion/Extroversion. Have you figured out if you are an introvert or an extrovert or perhaps a combination there in? This a a vital question to answer. I am a combo kinda gal. I like people a whole lot and I love being by myself to recharge. Having a party animal partner isn’t going to work for me, or for him. Too many no’s cause disappointment and too much pressure to please will detract from connectivity. Being similar in this department bodes well for everyone concerned.
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| Side by side affinity |
5. Physical activity. Oh boy dear reader, this one, this one is a make or breaker! If you like to sit around and your potential love is a fitness nut, one of the two of you is going to feel a whole lot of resentment when you discover that you spend more time apart than together, or that you have to accommodate each other way too often. This is a recipe for resentment. Heed the warning here and now. Don’t date a couch potato home fry if you are a bike riding, hiker, skier, adventurous type of fitness maniac. They aren’t going to change and neither will you.
6. Moodiness. Are you cheery or a curmudgeonly sort of character? What is your disposition? Are you a frowning worrier or playful make the best of every situation kinda person? I like to laugh and will look for ways to connect playfully with everyone I come in contact with… is the person you are considering abrupt, rude, distant, and dismissive with others? If so, have they been this way with you too? Keep an eye on this one… how we treat people speaks volumes about what is going on in the heart and mind.
7. Socio economic similarity. We all have our comfort zones. Where people live; how much money they make; what they spend earned money on; the charities they support; aspirations and savings along with approaches to debt and lifestyle habits are vitally important. I have heard and read many times, that money disparity can quickly disable and dissolve relationships. Financial cross purposes can doom a couple. Agreeing on this big ticket item is essential.
8. Challenging. Iron sharpens iron… when I met the perfect foil, he made me think. He had me stop in my tracks and question, wonder, marvel. I had to be available and present to the messages he conveyed, because of his intricate thinking and sound logic. A match is not a pushover, or someone to be wrapped around a little finger; a mate match must be seen and heard as brilliant in the eyes and ears of the beholder.
Ok dear reader: this short, or rather long? blog, has come to an end. I could carry on but perhaps, another series is in order? I have hope in my heart for matches made in heaven, for you, for me, for him, for her… time, it is just a matter of time.
