Sharing the pros and cons
I have adapted well to my singleness. I cannot say it has been unpleasant. In many ways I thoroughly enjoy my separateness, my independence, my I-don’t-have-to-answer-to-anyone-if-I-don’t-want to status. The flip side to this is missing someone to be answerable to! I have to chuckle a bit, as I share the pros and cons of being suddenly single: it is how we see ourselves that has the greatest impact on our view of flying solo. Let us do an inventory, shall we?
Ask yourself these questions:
1. Am I desperate?
2. Do I like my own company?
3. Will just anyone do?
4. Does loneliness drive me to find someone to spend time with?
5. What does alone time represent to me?
6. Do I get emotionally attached quickly with fantasies of forever with every new person I meet?
7. Do I have close friends?
8. What about hobbies; how do I spend my time?
9. Would it be ok if I never found my mate?
10. Who am I, as an individual? If I were to describe myself, what characteristics would appeal to a member of the opposite sex? Which ones would repel and be repugnant to them?
Are you curious, about my answers to the above questions, dear reader? Since this is my piece of writing, I will respond… the questions were self-generated after all!
My answers
1. I am not desperate, in fact, I am determined. Desperation leads to poor decision making and much cleanup afterward. I have a lot to offer a man and there must be a capacity to reciprocate in him.
2. I really do like my own company and, the company of bright, curious, interesting and interested people… iron sharpens iron: I like the challenge of deep thinkers and playful humans.
3. Well of course, not just anyone will do! How boring would that be dear one?
4. I admit, I have been lonely because I really do enjoy sharing my life but it does not drive me to find company. The people I spend time with are chosen, whether at work or play. When I am longing and lonely, I make sure I get physical so that I don’t send desperate messages of save me, I’m lonely! Loneliness can lead to leaning too heavily on someone to make us feel better: let us label this as dysfunctional!
5. Being alone is invaluable to me. It is when I think, talk to God, pray, give thanks, evaluate and assess my life and the direction it is taking. Too much of it though, can make a gal kinda crazy… friends are truly a treasure and time with them enhances my life immeasurably.
6. While I am highly emotionally responsive, I have a keen awareness of what appeals to me in a man and I do think long term. This is only right though dear reader… serial monogamy interrupts deep learning and connection and leaves brokenness in its wake. Choosing a mate based on sustainability of relationship is wise. I will not have multiple relationships as I move into dating.
7. Yes I have close friends, and I adore them.
8. I can entertain myself quite well, with physical fitness activities, reading, studying to acquire new skill sets, and writing. I am well occupied.
9. Never finding a mate… oh my, this one makes me rather sad… I sure do hope spending the rest of my life affectionately having fun with someone happens! And… I trust in God, who is my provision, whatever this happens to mean.
10. Dang it… this question… do I have to answer it? I am going to go silent here, and not give a public answer. Self-assessment is hard enough, I do it all the time, let alone grilling myself here on this forum!
Your turn, do you dare to answer the questions above and willingly become well adapted to singleness so that you can become a more appealing mate for someone?
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| Similarity seals the bond |
Getting to know ourselves before
Having a life partner, a mate, is so much more than just a warm body approach to dating and marriage. Intimacy is predicated on commonality. Getting to know ourselves before we go out there and meet our match, is vitally important and directly correlates to relationship success rates. While opposites do attract, similarity keeps couples committed.
Let us wait for our mates: there is one out there for you! I am counting on it, for me, for you, for him, for her, for us, for them.
