Take your pick dear reader, which definition pertains to you? Allow me to use the definition above, blending it to give you a view of my most recent internal workings.
Now and Then
Now: I have a desire to do something unwise. I am attracted and tempted, sensuously stimulated and tempted by the Devil to take action on my desire. Temptation is, always sensual, defined as: relating to or involving gratification of the senses and physical, especially sexual, pleasure.
Then: let us go back in time. Two years ago, I was suddenly separated. What I needed most was time to sort the emotional and logistical ramifications of my new circumstances. While I was tempted to spend time in male company, I was without desire for true long term relationship. I was grieving and sorting, licking my unseen wounds. I prayed, listened to “hurting” music, and my soul was soothed by my God as I read scripture, listened to my favourite preachers, and watched endless hours of Netflix, all the while seeking solace.
I want a man that loves Jesus
During my sorting, I established criteria, a list of non-negotiables for my future partner in vibrantly alive life! At the top of my list was faith in Jesus Christ as Saviour for sinners: I want a man that loves Jesus just like I do dear reader! I have a long list of criteria, and you may think me demanding and perhaps a touch naive, but dear one, if you believe, as I do, that God is mighty to save, it is not a stretch to believe that a little old check list from little Linda is a big deal to him! He rose Jesus from the grave for goodness sakes, who am I to put limitations on God Almighty? Plus… he placed the desires in my heart: as my Good Good Father, he is more than capable of providing pure delight in my life in the form of my most excellent match! He has his own criteria for me though:
“And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” (Matthew 22:37).
In my many hours of conversations with God, he clearly told me that he wants to be my #1; that I can have a man in my life after I have established in my heart, soul and mind, that he is more than enough for me. As my divorce date approaches, I feel my readiness increasing, to have my next forever love in my life.
I have been tempted
Now: this blog is about temptation and I share with you, that I have been tempted. I really like men, so interacting with them is exciting and stimulating. But not all men are created equal. I have my list, my criteria… I cannot, will not, date just anyone… they have to love Jesus. Remember dear one, this is my criteria: you can establish your own. As I go through this single to selected mate process, I continue to work on my integrity. I must be responsible and accountable as I enter into the heart zone:
“For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, set their minds on the things of the Spirit” (Romans 8:5).
I happen to be a realist
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| The sun always rises |
I told you above that I have been tempted… that my desire has been stimulated. Someone has checked all the boxes but… one… we are not aligned with our faith in Christ. I cannot reconfigure this difference: it is real and I happen to be a realist. Besides, as part of the Bride of Christ, I have sheer joy in my relationship with him. While people delight me, the Lord elates and elevates my Spirit!
I must wait
Where does this leave me, you ask? I have great admiration for the people God places in my life. I get significant joy in their company: this said, I must wait for my soul mate, my other.
“Ask and it will be given you, seek and ye shall find, knock and it will be opened unto you” (Matthew 7:7).
I have asked. I am seeking. I have knocked. Now I wait.
