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| Naturally Sunny Disposition |
Understanding Human Nature, by LGByers
Sunny Disposition
I have a naturally sunny disposition: this means I am playful and fun, exuberant and joyful. I look for the good and when I find it, I shine light all over that good until we all have to squint to see! It sounds like I have it made, doesn’t it? Happiness here I am! Sunny side up y’all!
But then, I get tripped up…
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| I’m miserable and ok with it |
No exclamation marks
I have a naturally responsive disposition: this means I get irritable, grouchy, verbally cutting, dismissive, and see the dark side in me and everyone else. The world becomes small and unsafe and I look for landmines, so as not to step on them and blow me and everyone in my vicinity up. Sounds like I am a psycho that needs therapy, doesn’t it? Misery here I am. No exclamation marks: just a yucky mess of beaten and scrambled me for all to see.
The split is real my friends. Denying the inner workings of me, of you, is ridiculously limiting. What I am exploring here is this:
I get to feel violated, enraged, outraged, wounded, hurt, maligned, betrayed, disappointed, and lastly, distant. I get to feel these feelings because I live in a world filled with humans. I also get to feel joy, excitement, thrilled, ecstatic, abundance, astounded, awed, inspired, love, because I live in a world filled, with humans. Sometimes humans trip me up, and sometimes, they lift me up, and by God, I want all of it!
“A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance…” (Ecclesiastes 3:4).
Since I have a naturally sunny disposition, I make others very uncomfortable when misery shows up. They do not know what to do with “it” and perhaps, they do not know what to do with their own misery? Happy isn’t the only state of being but misery is socially unacceptable. Thankfully, I have learned that emotions are a package deal and while I prefer sunny side up, beaten and scrambled is periodically where I live and breathe, at least, for short bouts of time. “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). In Gods eyes, the creator of all emotions, I am doing alright every time I am honest about how I am feeling and even the why part of how I am feeling. He gets it, he gets me, and he understands you too, dear reader.
The Bible is such a relief to read dear one. It is full of folks just like us. Sunny and dark, bright and dim, it is all in there and we do not have to hide the parts of us that hurt or need healing help. We get to be humans and feel the full range of emotions we have been blessed with, and still be his kids. Feelings don’t last forever, so go ahead and acknowledge yours… they won’t kill you, I promise.
