Unconsciously chosen
I have been driving a gear shift car for so long now that it has become automatic, until of course, the periodic grinding of the gears or the selection of the wrong speed accompanied by a back and forth body jolt. These unconsciously chosen miscalculations remind me to pay attention. Recently, my car has been resisting my attempts to start and when this began, I had to stop and take notice: how do I start my car? I will share: please bare with me so we can get to some kind of point: I promise, your time will not be wasted if you choose to continue reading.
 |
| Driver error or need a new starter? |
My left hand lightly grips the wheel, while my right hand turns the key. My left foot presses the clutch until it is in full contact with the floor… the right foot, well now dear reader, where do you suppose I should be placing it? There are two options at this point, the gas pedal on the right or the brake pedal that plays middleman, placed between the clutch and the gas. Which one do you choose? If you have never driven a standard, you have a fifty-fifty chance of guessing correctly and if you have driven a standard, like I have for so many years, your guess is still, fifty-fifty! I have to chuckle because I got to the point this week where I committed to looking up the standard starting procedures for a standard transmission… do I place my foot on the gas or the brake when turning that key? When my car doesn’t purr awake, is it resisting starting because of driver error or is something wrong with the car? I confess, I used to live in blissful happiness, content with the knowledge that I was confidently right about so many things: now, well now dear one, I am humbling admitting that I am learning, constantly learning and at this stage, relearning a whole bunch too.
Gas or brake
The question that came to me is this: am I to put my foot to the gas or the brake? One will accelerate me, taking me wherever I am meant to go. The other, it will hold me in place and prevent movement and momentum… somewhere in-between go and stop is the perfect speed and I am learning that gear shifting can sometimes be a grind, an uncomfortable palpable rattling of the body that forces awareness. I am made to pay attention when the car doesn’t start, when I shift badly, when acceleration is dangerous and when staying stopped in one spot prevents my now from unfolding. Life is like this, isn’t it dear reader, one big metaphor?
Needing a new start(er)
Since I have been on auto-pilot as a driver for far too long, you and I will agree that I have been starting my car without error for all of the years I have been driving. There is something called muscle memory and my body knows how to get into all of the necessary positions to get an engine started. Left foot on clutch, right foot on brake, vroom vroom… unless of course, I need a new starter. And dear reader, don’t we all, sometimes, need a new start(er)?
Stalling out
Now your turn. Are you stalling out dear reader? Is there something amiss with your starter? Do you need a tow or have you forgotten, that you knew all along how to get going but somewhere along the way, you found your foot pressing hard on the brakes, screeching you to a halt or dead stop? What do you need to learn or relearn, to get you moving in the right direction again? I might need to take my car to the shop… do you need to take you somewhere for a soul adjustment or part replacement? Get back into action. Notice whether or not you just stopped paying attention. Stop the drafting dear one, start driving again, consciously.
Take that wheel and drive. It is time.
